Y’all. There are no words for the level of shame I feel right now. Like, nothing compares to this. My hair literally separated itself from my head and did a backstroke next to me while I figured out what had just happened.
Now before you go calling the ambalapse, the pastor and my Momma, it wasn’t my real hair. I’m not sick, and I’ve been blessed with those 4C Motherland curls, so my fro goes nowhere without serious persuasion. But this wig I decided to wear to the beach today was SO not interested in my water sports shenanigans. Maybe because beach, wig and water sports together in a sentence make absolutely no sense. This is what I get for tryna be “Bad and Bougie” at the same time.
Allow me to explain.
You see, I have 2 sides. My Southern Belle bougie side showed up at Knip Beach here in Curacao in some curly weave action, and spent her day posing for 843 beach photos to get just the right angles and lighting for that “effortless” shot in for the ‘gram. Hashtag #nofilter. Hashtag lies.
My Brooklyn baddie side brought rum to the a beach in a plastic flask, added it to a nutcracker with unidentifiable alcohol (because that makes sense), and then jumped her tipsy ass off a cliff into the ocean.
Bad and Bougie don’t go together y’all. Follow behind these club hooks if you want to, but in real life you gotta pick one. Either whip your tracks back and forth and take cleavage selfies from your beach chair while sipping on a girly cocktails. OR, be a badass and sip on an unknown liquor combination then try to catch a lobster with your bare hands while snorkeling because you have a taste for it. But ladies, don’t be both. Lest you find yourself trying to re-attach a wig to your scalp in the middle of the Caribbean Sea while treading water and holding onto your fancy Go-Pro. Praise hands for lifeguard training, because if they had to tell my Momma I died chasing some kinky curly tracks, she might not come to the funeral.
The wig was only floating for a few seconds but I think it actually enjoyed itself! It was laying on its back all relaxed, hoping nobody would notice it chillin’ in the background of their beach photos. But as soon as I gathered myself (and my wardrobe malfunction that was also captured in The Footage The Internet Shall Never See), I snatched Le Wig out of its daydream and put it back on my head.
(Click here for video of me jumping off the aforementioned “real cliff”)
We had a nice fling, but this wig gon’ have to be my side piece that can’t come on vacation with me. Black women are known for wearing a million different hairstyles, sometimes in the same week (and confusing the hell out of our coworkers) And on vacation we’re even more likely to switch it up to avoid having 78 jars of juices and berries in our carry-on bag. But if you’re the adventurous type like me that jumps off bridges and cliffs for no good reason, make sure your hair can keep up with your activities. Literally. #notracksleftbehind
So for my adventure-seekers, go forth and be Bad! Climb mountains, go bungee jumping and reward your efforts with all the local liquor the bar will give you before they send you home. Or be Bougie! Rock that barely-there dental floss bikini and down-to-your kneecaps tracks for that perfect whip action shot in the ocean.
But for the love of Remy don’t be both! Because if I hear about you simultaneously swimming after your bikini and your weave I will laugh almost as hard at you than I did at myself in Curacao. For those who’ve never done it, I HIGHLY recommend experiencing the rush of jumping off a cliff. It’s not nearly as scary as it sounds, and might turn you onto more adventure experiences while traveling. I can’t wait to see your pictures! Click here to see more from my trip.
Have you ever had a wardrobe, hair, or other malfunction during an adventure excursion? What did you do and are there photos? If so, DM me at @bktraveladdict so we can laugh together!